How To Shave With Babies


Let’s just acknowledge off the top that beards are back (and have been for several years). They’re pretty much socially acceptable everywhere. They’re acceptable in most professional settings (sorry, New York Yankees). And in some circles, they’re even a social status symbol allowing you to gain entry to exclusive societies and grooming parties. They can also make you a sworn enemy of the Dollar Shave Club.

Over my years of personal field research, I’ve discovered there are two types of beards. Deliberate or circumstantial. Continue reading

Time Is A Moment


Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn’t one today. — Phil Connors

My wife and I just re-watched Groundhog Day, the early 90s classic that is still among my Top 10 favorite comedies of all time. And I’m not alone: many filmmakers and critics have gone so far as to call it a perfect movie. Even Harold Ramis, the film’s director, likened repeated viewings of the movie to the reading of Torah:

“One reason Jews respond to the idea is that the Torah is read every year — you start at the same place on the same day,” he said. “The Torah doesn’t change, but every year we read it we are different. Our lives have changed … and you find new meaning in it as we change.”

He laughed. “I’m not comparing ‘Groundhog Day’ to the Torah … but there’s something in it that allows people every time they see it to reconsider where they are in life and question their own habitual behaviors.” – Los Angeles Times

By that reasoning, I’m pretty sure I’m a talmudic scholar by now. So feel free to consider this my D’var Torah. Continue reading

How I Won The Powerball


Kafka:(Types.) “Act one, scene one. Elsinore Castle, Denmark…”

Milton:(Types.) “Hemorrhoid.”

Words, Words, Words by David Ives

Four. Eight. Nineteen. Twenty-Seven. Thirty-Four. And Ten.

It’s a known fact that if you put three monkeys in a room with typewriters, over time they will produce Hamlet. True, you would probably need to give them some financial resources to hire a director, a crew, audition a cast, find sponsors, apply for grants, and video a flashmob that goes viral which will undoubtedly generate untold dollars in free publicity. But sure, three monkeys could totally produce Hamlet. Continue reading

Between Two Pillows

081f20ec429c88c1769991911fd8bf5fThere’s a great scene in When Harry Met Sally – well, there are lots of great scenes, but I’m probably not talking about the one you’re thinking of. I’m talking about the Pictionary scene, where Sally (Meg Ryan) is trying to draw a representation of the saying “baby talk”. Jess (Bruno Kirby) shouts out, among other inanities, “Baby Fish Mouth”. At the end, Jess can’t believe that “baby talk” is an actual saying, so Harry (Billy Crystal) says to him, “…oh but Baby Fish Mouth is sweeping the nation?” (Here, go watch it. Just promise to come back, okay?) Continue reading